Cheap Drunk #3: The Flask is your friend

Its unavoidable that you'll have to occasionally hit a bar with your buds and aside from making sure that there is a convenient happy hour, the other thing you can do to ensure you get a healthy buzz on without emptying your wallet is to bring a flask. Now, as an occasional bartender I must frown on drinking your own hooch at any establishment, but as a hobo, your funds are tight and its not like you'll be laying down 8 bucks for a shot of whiskey anyways so it is acceptable as long as you are buying a pint of beer and tipping well.
As Doc pointed out, 1.5 liters of Philadelphia whiskey is just shy of 16 bucks. That's a lot of booze for what would have cost ya for only two shots. That's what I like to call bar math.

Cheap Drunk #2: Ghetto Chard

New Year's Eve is a time for revelry, and consumption of mass quantities. As a hobo you can't exactly afford to go on a bender at the local bar, but you can appear to be mr money bags when you show up with 3 bottles of Tisdale Chardonnay at your friend's party. Sterling Grapes and Grains on 5th ave in Park Slope offers up this ghetto chard for the rock bottom price of 10.99 for 3 bottles. At that price, after you've had your first glass, the other 2 and 2/3 bottles are essentially free. Its like being paid to drink! And with the generous offer of 3 bottles of wine that you bring to any party, no one will give you a 2nd glance as you move on to the more expensive booze and champagne.

Tisdale, putting "Tis" in "Tis the Season" for years. I promise, tis not the stuff of hangovers.

Hobo Humor

In these times of distress and panicked financial situations it is important to keep in mind the importance of humor. The economy sucks and god knows no “new jobs” are being invented but you can’t let the idea of never owning a house, or a car, or having to move back to your parents house, or into a cardboard box, let you down. On the happy side you can find free stuff that can even cause laughter. You may have heard this, laughter is good medicine hence good hobo helathcare. One can find various places that provide chuckles at improv theaters as close as a nearby subway ride to the island of Manhattan. Each nite one can witness for a reasonable cost a performance of profound exciting moments of now. Theaters such as Upright Citizens Brigade, The P.I.T. and Magnet Theater can be found in the Manhattan area. Magnet Theater magnetheater.com features $5 improv shows every night except Monday and $1 PBRs on Thursday nites at the bar. There are even free mixer nights Wednesday & Thursday nights if you want to get on the stage with your hoboself. Also free trial classes. Keep your chin up it might feel like the economic world is falling apart and it is, try to keep in mind it is not just for you but for everybody, might as well laugh about it.

Happy Hobomas!

Now that Christmas is over... welcome to Hobomas!

You know about Boxing Day already, when the lower classes who have to work on Christmas get the NEXT day off to spend with their families and some comparatively crappy presents... Hobomas is like that, but with a dash of Hanukah thrown in.

Yes, Hobomas consists of the 6 days between Christmas and New Years. Each day of Hobomas has the potential for bringing a bounty of cast-off gifts and goodies. Hopefully you already started your Hobomas off right by being lucky enough to attend Christmas dinner at some better-off family member or friend's home. Christmas night, or "Hobomas Eve" can be incredibly lucrative: make sure to take your hosts up on every offer to take home some leftovers from the meal, or that present meant for the guest who couldn't make it after all. And if you have your flask handy, don't forget "one more for the road".

For the next six days and nights it's time to make the rounds: Did a diabetic friend receive a gift box of chocolate? Was your tea totaller cousin gifted with a bottle of bourbon? Friends who received sweaters that were not quite their style, favorite gin mills with leftover Xmas themed snacks... these are the rounds to make with a cheerful smile and puppy dog look in your eye.

Don't forget the cornucopia of landfill-bound goodies! Tis the season for people to receive new electronics, and for the older, yet still functioning models, to be cast curbside! Housewares for your shack, old coats replaced by less threadworn ones. Every upgrade results in a downgraded item. Keep your eyes open and your fingers nibble. And now's the perfect time to get a preowned tree for your shanty town digs, pre-tinseled in many cases.

Here's a helpful tip: Try not to aggressively beg or ask, be subtle in your hoboness. If you come on too strong or desperate or irritating you won't be invited into anyone's home or bar next Hobomas. Just strategically manage to be in the right place at the right time you'll have the best Hobomas ever.

Merry Mooching!

Hobo Reading Group

Hobo's don't have much money to travel, that's why we ride the rails. But the best way to travel, especially during the feakishly cold months when all you want to do is warm your hands over a nice oil drum fire in a back alley is to read about travel. That's why I choose Drink, Play, F@#K by Andrew Gottlieb as the first Hobo Reading Group book pick. Its got everything you need to escape the humdrum dark cold days of winter. Drinking to excess in Ireland, gambling for fun in Vegas, looking for sex in Thailand and finding true love all served up with a healthy dose of humor and some valuable life lessons like "pace yourself" . It reads like a hilarious memoir playing off the well known Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert down to the jacket art. If you look closely you'll notice that "Drink" is spelled out of bottle caps, "Play" out of poker chips and "F@#k" out of condoms. Brilliant.

Tips for Hobo Living #683:

Deli napkins are Nature's kleenex.

Creative Employment Part Two: Pimp Your Pad

We live in one of the hottest tourist destinations on the planet where hotels start at 225 a night. Why not turn your pad into a B&B (Bed and Bagel) on the weekends for unsuspecting tourists and undercut the market by offering it for 150 a night? All hobos have friends with couches, or a hobo lover they can shack up with for the weekend while the rubes enjoy the comforts of your shack. Just make sure they pay up front in cash, and leave a credit card deposit in case they make off with your Victrola.