Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Your Mullet and You

You know what's really expensive? Haircuts. Even a cheap crappy one is going to cost you about $15. $20 after tip. Do you know how much mac & cheese and Natural Ice you can get for that.

By default it's time to grow your long hair back. Nothing extreme, shoulder length I-used-to-be-in-a-failed-band length; as opposed to down to your ass I'm-still-in-a-failing-band length. There's just one problem. Somewhere between your current state of needing a haircut, and your planned state of having hair long enough to be considered long're going to go through an awkward stage... welcome to Mullettown, Ape Drape City, out-of-work in front, lame party in back.

So here are a few tips to hide your mullet while you wait for your messy long hipster hairstyle to take effect.

• Wear hats & scarves. Since you won't be doing much socializing in your shoebox apartment now that the heat's been turned off, people are only going to encounter you on the street. It's cold out, so tuck that mess of a wig under a stylish watchman's cap or whathaveyou, and hide that back length under a collar accentuating scarf. No one will be the wiser that you're going through that awkward cousin Richie in 1978 stage.

• Grow some sideburns. Nothing makes the mullet-leaning interim hairstyle look more mullet-like than an absence of burns. Growing some chops will balance out the scruffiness and buy you some time.

Once your hair is officially "long" you can now a) keep it that way for additional warmth on those long cold strolls around town.
or b) scan craigslist for people on craigslist offering free haircuts for dudes with long hair. of course then you'll have to revisit the mullet stage again in spring when it'ss be harder to explain your hat and scarf.

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